Simpie Says

I’m writing…

It’s been a while since I’ve wrote here, but there always comes a time when you feel the need to pour out your thoughts through your fingers, and then everything just mellows down, not that it’s forgotten but it’s just out free from the cages of your mind and into the never ending emptiness that is cyber space.

Frustration is seriously “phalin” right now in my life, which is a bit much for me since I don’t feel like I have the fortitude to tell him to just go away. I mean, everyone needs a friend right? 

More and more this phrase keeps coming to mind: “It’s the mundane that really frustrates me” and I’m not sure how much more of it I’m willing to let frustrate me. I can’t seem to get over the idea of wasting time. And I say wasting because most of us don’t even realise what we’re doing with it. We’re doing things that we were told to do, things that we should, watching it go by, while our bodies whither away. And we choose to concern ourselves, with success i.e money… job that can help us get by or even more than that… thinking about that comfortable life, who doesn’t want a nice house? 

I know I’m saying things that many have said before but when did it become OK to put all these things before happiness. And I know that there are some who say that these things bring happiness and OK that’s fine. My personal view is that it brings comfort because you have to worry less about getting by… and I don’t consider THAT happiness.

I’ll be honest. There have been times where I have spent money foolishly and I’m learning as I go along. I’ve had people condemn me for it (because they’re so much better at “regulating” money), people tell me that it’s something that would never change, that if you don’t know how to manage money you’ll always be in debt. I agree. I completely and totally agree.

The best way to go about dealing with money is to plan it as carefully as you possibly could. DISCIPLINE. Discipline is the thing. So make sure you have this amount allocated for savings, the other amount allocated for expenses and bills and a little spending money (if you even allow such debauchery).  And that’s the perfect recipe.

My thing is this.

IM TWENTY THREE FUCKING YEARS OLD!!!!!!!! WHY THE HELL AM I BEING BOTHERED WITH THIS!?

Is it not apparent, that before I hit thirty, based on what i’m supposed to be doing in this sodomized superficial demoralized world, that I’m going to be abiding by this recipe anyway? That’s it’s going to be the only palatable dish available in the restaurant? So why, OH WHY, am I bothered with this.

It’s clear to me that if you abide by the rules of what we’re supposed to do, you’re gonna die REAL soon in your life. And I don’t mean under the ground, I mean you’re going to be a zombie just like how many other billions of people out there. Do people not understand that we actually just have one life on this earth. And say you do believe in reincarnation, it’s not going to be the same life bitches. Doesn’t matter what you believe, everything that’s happening here, right now, is happening ONCE. You are only going to read this for the first time ONLY ONCE, the same way I’m only going to write this for the first time, ONCE.

I’ve done the primary school, the secondary school, completing the university, I get employment cuz I’ve been there before, I’ve seen life develop infront my very own eyes and I’ve seen it whither away, my life has been in danger before, I know what it’s like to almost lose my life, I’ve been at the bottom of the class and I’ve been at the top, I’ve swam in money before and I’ve scrunted like a true town vagrant, I’ve been ecstatic, been depressed, I’ve listened to music and I’ve created it, I’ve travelled (albeit not many places but more than millions of people who have lived and died and who are alive today can say), I’ve learnt languages, I’ve excelled at math, I’ve worked for people and I’ve worked on my own…

I get it. I know what there is to life. And after having been through all this, it’s been enough for ME to realise what’s important. I can’t do what people do. I can’t make it all an issue. I can no longer try to control it. It was never mine to control in the first place. I can’t do the worrying anymore.

And why? Because I know, I WILL close my eyes one day and my world, the world I’ve spent all my life in, MY WORLD, MY REALITY will no longer exist. And the only way it will live on is through others or what I leave behind. I mean at the end of the day it’s up to you to decide if you want to in fact leave anything behind (I know it have some real nigz out there , all is yours kinda scene nah). But for me, all that is material is small stuff. Memories are everlasting. You share  a memory with someone, and they share it with someone else, and these memories can becomes stories and who knows, can be classed as “history.”

But that’s another story. haha

Glad I got this out.

Simpie 

24 November 2011 ·